Henry And Wenger - A Grimm Tale

I guess it's time to reveal what really happened at the Training Centre on Friday, and Ashburton Grove on Saturday. My regular readers need to know the truth of the incidents that have led to so many column inches over the last couple of days.

Let me take you back to an amazing chain of events little more than forty-eight hours ago. As I was making my way down Holloway Road the Tottenham coach pulled up alongside me and asked for directions to the new stadium 'as we haven't been there before!' I agreed to show them and was welcomed onboard.

One left-hand turn and two hundred yards later we were in the underground car park at the Grove. As I disembarked the coach I was bumped into by the great man himself. 'Hello Titi, not playing today then?' I ventured, having heard the news on the way up.

'Don't you talk to me about not playing today' he snapped. 'I had enough with that Wenger yesterday. Doesn't he know I run this club? Just who does he think he is?' I was stunned, and immediately apologised. 'Don't worry' he assured me, 'it's not your fault. I will reveal the truth later.' And with that, he was gone.

As I made my way toward my seat I bumped into monsieur Wenger himself. What a stroke of luck. 'Good morning Arsene, shame about Thierry?' was, I thought, a good opening gambit.

'Oh piss off' was his retort, 'that bloody Henry yesterday and now I get you trying to distract me. Let me get this game over with and I will reveal the truth about the bastard who thinks he can run my club!' Charming, I thought.

Before I go any further, can I just say to any tabloid editor, or talk-bollocks-about sport radio producer, that I am available for hire at very reasonable rates. I could probably live comfortably on half the money you pay the lame-brains who invent the crap that infests your output.

Allow me to complete the quotes for this particular piece. 'I was worked up because I couldn't help my team on the pitch, that's hard for me to accept. But I didn't argue with Arsene Wenger.'
Thank you for that Thierry.

And you Arsene? 'Of course I am aware of stories circulating in the media about our meeting last Friday. I just feel that it’s important to reiterate that there is no problem between myself and Thierry, in fact, we have always had a strong relationship and that remains the case.'

Blast! That story could have made my fortune.