Spurs In New Food Scare

You couldn't make it up! Listeners to TalkSport yesterday afternoon were treated to the real reason behind our friends and neighbours poor start to the season. Asked to comment on Tottenham's early season struggles, their new defender, Pascal Chimbonda, apparently observed " our mayonnaise has not yet set".

Now forgive me for perhaps being less than reverent but under the circumstances is it wise for Pascal, a member of the extremely healthy Wigan side firmly beaten at Highbury on the last day of last season, to be responsible for such verbal diarrhoea?

What are the nutritional staff at N17 doing these days if runny salad dressing has been added to the players diet sheets (yes, I said sheets!) alongside lasagne of unconfirmed origin. It must be a matter of concern to the coaching staff that their laxative, sorry, lax defense could be due to too much movement at the back!

Goonerholic sends his best wishes to our closest rivals and hopes they will soon be able to recover at their own convenience.