A Few Words From My Russian Cousin - Goonerholich

Greetings Comrades,

I am enjoying very much the heatwave here in London. It was nearly three degrees tonight. It is so good to be able to take your shirt off in a strange stadium. People have been unbelievably friendly all night. Many of the Arsenal supporters were waving to us, and they have obviously heard of the food queues in Moskva as they threw lots of beefburgers and pies at us just after half-time. I am especially grateful as I had checked the prices before the game and they cost a weeks wages!

Your team was very friendly too. They play the best football anybody in Europe has ever seen, but they are too chivalrous. Three times in the first-half alone your players had got the ball past all eleven of us and refused to tap the ball into an empty net. This is a serious flaw I am thinking. In Russia we are taught to be more ruthless, but what do I know? Maybe my countryman, Comrade Abramovich, has been across town giving your players an extra bonus, he-he. Only kidding friends!

Although I have enjoyed my short stay in London, I am looking forward to the flight home. I hope it is as much fun as the trip here. You may have read about it in your, how I say? tabloids? Anyway, we are all big fans of English film, Women In Love, and my friends and I re-enacted the nude wrestling scene with Alan Bates and Olly Reed. All sixty of us wrestled all the way to Heathrow, great fun.

Anyway, thank you again for your hospitality. When I get back to the vodka distillery where I work I will tell everybody it is good to come to the famous Arsenal, the most chivalrous team in the world. Come on you reds!