Happy New Year Everybody

Well the new day has not improved my view of yesterdays events, but I am once again glad to be a Gooner. Compared to most we suffer relatively few of these bad days, and if we didn't have them we would not appreciate the golden days as much as we do. That's the beauty of football isn't it? The full gamut of emotion is experienced from complete euphoria to utter dejection.

The world will seem a better place in the later hours this evening. The ale, wine and spirits are in place as we get ready to welcome 2007. Mrs Goonerholic will wrestle with her hopes and fears for the family in the coming months. I'll be nodding sagely, and wondering if Arsene really has no plans to buy in the January window, or will we have a few new faces to freshen things up by the time the month has drawn to a close!

That's the point really. No matter how bad yesterday was tomorrow can be much, much better. Let's ignore the fact that the reverse could also apply. This is a day to dream. So I wish you all a very happy, and healthy 2007. I hope your desires and ambitions start to fall into place in the coming twelve months. I pray Arsenal will continue to give us more to be proud of than the other side of the coin.

And finally I would quite like it if the bloody gale and torrential rain stops before I have to leg it home in the early hours of the morning with half of the Liffy swirling about inside me!

A Rant From The Heart

Normally I would allow myself to cool down after the game before commenting on the performance. I have just arrived back from a pub full of celebrating fans of other clubs having seen Arsenal humiliated by a side that surely cannot cling on to its Premiership status this season. As you can imagine I am not in the best of moods.

Questions have been filling my head since I first took my seat in front of the big screen. Thank goodness (how restrained can I be?) we had visitors today which prevented me from making the trip. What a shame they left for their own journey north enabling me to take in the full horror of our display.

Before we had kicked off I could not believe we had left Fabregas on the bench when we had no Hleb, the only other vaguely creative resource being Rosicky who was forced to fill the hole on the right side of midfield. I know he needs to rest sometime, but in fairness before the start I was convinced this was not the day to do it. Bert as usual tried to extend himself to be the main man in the centre, but Flamini and Baptista is not a force made in heaven.

There was obviously a second effect to Fab's absence. Aliadiere had to play up front. This guy deserves the opportunity to prove himself somewhere, but we already knew it should not be at Arsenal. I wish him well when he is surely shipped out for any sort of fee in January, but I do not want to see us experiment with him in an Arsenal shirt again.

The game plan has been seen many times before. It's cold, we are in the north against a side that will battle and compete for everything, and it's a late kick-off. We knew what the result would be, didn't we?

Now consider that a side of honest, but limited, journeymen found itself without a goalkeeper for the last quarter of the game against a side bidding to get within eight points of Chelsea. How on earth did we lose?

In fairness we lost because two of our most consistent performers chose one moment to share a rare dip from their high standards. Kolo and Jens will cop the flak for the abject performance by their team-mates.

How many touches do Baptista and Van Persie need in front of goal when clear opportunities present themselves? How can a player of the obvious quality of Clichy trap a ball further than he can kick it?

I'm so pleased this year is over and the transfer window is about to open. Some of the deadwood can be cleared out, and hopefully a couple of fresh faces can be added to liven up the mix. Wengerball mark three will be a success, I'm sure, but this temporary derailment needs to be halted now.

Arsenal's new year resolution must be 'never again will we be outfought and embarrassed by a side who have just one quality, sheer hard work. Never again will we suffer a Bolton, a Manchester City, a Sheffield United, a West Bromwich Albion, just because we were out-muscled'

Rotation, Rotation, Rotation!

A new spate of injuries, and a virus attack on both squads, means there will be much rotation for the trip to Sheffield United tomorrow.

Long term absentees Henry, Gallas, Ljungberg and Eboue are still missing. They have been joined on the treatment table by Adebayor, Djourou, Hleb, and Walcott.

Arsene Wenger is being philosophical about the losses and explains 'Lauren is in the squad tomorrow but he's not ready to start. We have a few colds, Fabregas, Baptista, Aliadiere, Song, but they will travel'.

The thought of Song starting whilst not fully fit is a scary one. There is also the question of who will play on the right side of midfield in the absence of Hleb, Ljungberg, and Walcott. A five of Rosicky, Fabregas, Flamini, Gilberto, and Van Persie could sit behind the front man, who may well be Baptista.

Like all other Gooners I am looking forward to the day we have the walking wounded back to full fitness. If I hear once more we lack strength in depth I will blow my snowy-peaked top!

I wonder how far ahead the top two would be if they had suffered as many injuries to key players as us this season and last!

Gilberto For Captain!

Well, I hope you have all had an enjoyable holiday. The Goonerholic Boxing Day open house was made all the merrier by the result, if not the performance, at Vicarage Road.

My eighty-four year old father was once again in fine form, espousing the obvious. 'Why don't they tell Henry he is now club captain, and let Gilberto be the team captain on the pitch?'

The Brazilian has been wearing the captain's armband in the absence of the injured Thierry Henry and led his side to victory at Watford on Boxing Day as Robin Van Persie sealed a 2-1 win.

The defensive midfielder is nicknamed the "Invisible Wall" in his homeland but the 30-year-old has also started to score goals, with his headed opener against the Hornets his eighth of the season and third in as many games.

The game also brought the inevitable injury to Adebayor. We don't just do injuries at Arsenal, we do injuries to players who are deputising for the injured! Is this finally the opportunity for Baptista to prove his worth? The big Brazilian looks fitter than when he arrived but has been left waiting for his opportunity as the likes of Adebayor and Flamini have played important roles of late.

Neil Warnock is talking of 'rotating' his squad for Saturdays clash at Bramall Lane. The Sheffield United boss believes his team could find easier pickings in their other new year fixture with Middlesbrough. He should be wary. I remember West Brom doing something similar and still not surviving the drop.

Enough of that for now. I would like to thank those of you who still paid a visit over Christmas, and wish you all a very happy and healthy 2007. Let's hope for a celebration in Athens come May.

Yo Ho Bloomin' Ho

Just got time for a brief 'Happy Christmas' and a review of what turned out to be an excellent day.

The draw for the Carling Cup Semi-Finals couldn't have been better (what do you mean, you wanted Wycombe, shame on you). If the minor hurdle of Liverpool away can be safely navigated we have another two opportunities to rub shalt into the woundsh of Tottenhamsh very own Chrishmush turkey, Martin No-Ja Jol.

The festive spirit flowed freely at the Grove as well. A generous gift of a penalty for Blackburn just two minutes in and it looked like it was going to be another one of those days. Fortunately they arrived with a defence that was even more porous than ours and by the interval it was 3-1. Gilberto looked every inch the captain once again and sparked the comeback with a great header.

After the break there was all manner of tomfoolery at the back as Blackburn reduced the arrears and threatened to level the scoreline. Cue the fairy tale ending the Gooners just about deserved as Van Persie struck twice. Even the announcer got in on the act, hailing the final strike from 'the goal-machine' that is Matty Flamini. Poor old Friedel was subjected to the ultimate taunt, 'it's behind you!', one last time.

So 6-2 it was, and how impressive that must look to those who had not seen or heard the contest in its entirety. For the regular Gooner the spanked-arse expression worn by Mark Hughes was a delight to see, but in fairness they are not the kick-everything-in-sight Rovers of a year or two ago. They came to play, and it nearly worked. Let's hope in the new year more opponents arrive at the Grove willing to put on a show, and not just park the bus!

So I must prepare to meet father of Goonerholic. Whatever you are doing for Christmas I hope you enjoy every minute of it. I'll be back on Wednesday or Thursday. Have a great holiday people.

Merry Christmas, And Thank You

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my readers, and their families, a merry Christmas.

This is a time for kids and families, and it will be no different for Goonerholic. I hope to be able to bring some news after the Blackburn game tomorrow, but the centre of my media empire will then be unavailable for a few days as my Dad comes to take over the spare room! (Yes, even old boys like me have Dads).

I hope you get everything you are hoping for this year, including of course six points for Arsenal by the time Boxing Day has ended. Thank you for your support.

Up The Arse!

Spanish Archer For Baptista?

Thanks goodness it's a quiet day on the Arsenal front. We are only due to sign three goalkeepers and a left-back in January. Oh, and I nearly forgot, we are going to sell Jose Antonio Reyes and send Julio Baptista back to Real Madrid.

Baptista is a strange one. So eagerly hunted by Wenger eighteen months ago, he has arrived via a convoluted route, and yet has struggled to prove something or another. The rumour mill has gone into overdrive. He's not fit? Well I would buy that if he hadn't now been with us for months. He is struggling to come up to the speed of the Premiership? I might go for that if he had been given a fair crack of the whip. His attitude isn't right? Looks favourite doesn't it?

Reyes is a player who had every opportunity to secure a golden future with Arsenal. Somehow it didn't quite work out for him. Perhaps his family were able to destabilise him a la Anelka? Maybe he was genuinely unable to settle in a foreign land where the star player refused to pass to him? Whatever the reason, he has not put us in a strong negotiating position with his current landlords.

Word is that the Galacticos don't particularly want Baptista back, and will drive a hard bargain for Reyes given that he is far from critical to their future. Where does that leave us? Do we really need the money that badly that we are prepared to accept a knock-down fee for Reyes?

Let's hope not. I would favour maintaining the status quo. We should keep Baptista and hopefully bring the best out of him in the coming months. Reyes can remain a temporary gift to our G14 partners, hopefully cementing a place in their set-up which will make him an altogether more valuable asset in the summer.

Don't suppose they would consider letting us have Robinho?

I Haven't Got The Foggiest

All my thoughts are with the Arsenal fans who were either already in Liverpool, or who were sitting in traffic jams worrying about getting to the ground in time. The late postponement (6.45pm) of the Carling Cup quarter-final at Anfield has generated much anguish. I remember travelling to Bolton once for a League Cup semi-final (It wasn't even Arsenal playing!) and suffering a similar fate. We discussed having a night in Blackpool, had a pie and a pint, and drove all the way back again.

Both managers, it would appear, wanted the game to proceed with Rafa Benitez moaning 'this morning we were training in worse conditions'. Wenger added 'Benitez and myself tried to play but he (the ref) thought it was too dangerous.' To rub salt into the wound it appeared that the fog started lifting shortly after the decision to postpone was taken. In fairness the referee felt that his assistants may have had problems doing their job, given the reduction in visibility.

Now both clubs face a January rematch that both would sooner avoid, the Anfield stadium manager confirming that the Merseyside Police require ten days notice of the rescheduled date. The third round FA Cup tie will now take place first, and the possibility of that resulting in a replay is complicating matters.

It's not just the visiting fans who will be bitterly disappointed. Lauren was due to feature at some stage, and Julio Baptista was also in line for an opportunity to stake a claim for a starting place. Aliadiere, following a poor showing on Saturday, would also have been relishing a chance to prove his worth.

So the sense of anti-climax is widespread. The mischievous may suggest that the vanquished team in the FA Cup meeting will have the opportunity to strengthen their line-up when this quarter-final is eventually played. They would surely be reading to much into the situation. For sure I can tell you, I haven't got the foggiest.

Defending The Indefensible

I have an awful admission to make. I don't know who is responsible for PR at Arsenal these days. I should know, but I don't. Whoever it is regularly has my sympathy as he battles to try and cast a positive light on negative press, often self-inflicted.

Take today. The media, written and broadcast, have feasted on the clubs decision to ban national flags from Ashburton Grove. Some of the spin has been almost painful to listen to. Take for example the idiot on TalkSport who described the 'decision to ban the Cross of St George' from Arsenal. By all means let your bias show fella, but be factual. All national flags have been banned, and what for?

Unbeknown to this broadcasting 'professional' the whole affair has been sparked by the insistence of one fan to bring a Northern Cypriot flag to every home game this season. Understandably supporters of Greek origin have not taken kindly to this. In reponse to a petition I understand the supporter in question was invited to the ground and asked not to bring the offending flag again. He refused. This is the point at which I become confused.

I am obviously working on what has been published, which in fairness may not be the entire picture, but at this point why was the offender not told that he would be banned for not complying with a reasonable request? When did some bright spark come up with the idea to ban all national flags from the ground, and therefore upset a number of individuals and supporters organisations who have Arsenal flags based on a variety of national emblems?

The PR man has been strangely quiet. Although in fairness compiling something positive on this story whilst levitating (not having a leg to stand on) cannot be easy. One mans bloody-mindedness has led to an absurd response, apparently political correctness gone mad.

That PR man must have spent the day praying for something else to come along and bury the story. If only Arsene had abused the referee on Saturday having just picked up a ten grand fine and warning as to his future conduct. Now wait a minute.....

Wenger And Arsenal Are All At Sea

Just what is it about this Arsenal side that renders them incapable of dealing with bread-and-butter opposition (sorry Pompey fans, but it's true!) yet pit them against the Manchester Uniteds, Chelseas and Liverpools of this world and they show themselves to be extremely capable.

Once again Wenger played the rotation game. He seems to have done this more this season than in any other I recall. Those rested included Adebayor, who has been playing superbly, and those kept in included Eboue, who really has fallen some way from the promise of last season.

I cannot argue that if Wenger was right to rest the Togalese striker, that Aliadiere should be given his opportunity. He was, and he flopped spectacularly. Young, and full of promise, this was his opportunity to show le Boss that he is ready to take his place on the big stage. He failed. It is just possible that he will have one final opportunity at Anfield on Tuesday. It will be a massive test if Liverpool, as expected, field a strong eleven. He will have to bring the best out of not only himself, but the kids around him. The January transfer window will loom large in his thoughts if he fails again.

There is an outside chance that Lauren will feature at Liverpool after what seems a lifetime out injured. I hope he does, because we are clearly beginning to miss his defensive qualities. A guaranteed first-team berth seems to have come too early for Eboue. It's a shame, given his spirited introduction to the side last season. His attacking instincts are a real plus, but this season he has allowed the defensive side of his game to slip alarmingly, and his petulance is becoming a chore. Kerrea Gilbert will be watching on from Cardiff with interest.

Yet through the frustration yesterday shone a very bright light indeed. Adebayor was summoned from the bench like a modern day super-hero, and answered the panic alarm with a performance full of ability and brooding menace. As Van Persie seeks that elusive thread of confidence that transforms him into a first-class forward, Adebayor continues to delight those who were quick to condemn him as 'not Arsenal quality' after his early performances last season. 'Kanu with pace' was one description of him on the radio yesterday. That underestimates his burgeoning talent I feel. As he approaches the anniversary of his signing, I feel he is further advanced than Drogba was at a comparable stage of his Chelsea career.

So it's off to Anfield next. It would defy all logic if Wenger, having rotated his first team squad in Premiership encounters lately, took anything other than his talented youngsters to face Liverpool in the Carling Cup. Those on the fringe, Almunia, Senderos, Flamini, Aliadiere, and hopefully Lauren, should provide the experience. The best youngsters should be given the opportunity to test themselves against the best. It would be good experience for them, and just reward for defeating the other half of Merseyside, Everton, in the last round.

Wenger And Pompey Are All At Sea

What a strange message the Football Association have sent out with todays £10,000 fine for Arsene Wenger following his spat with the now unemployed Alan Pardew at West Ham. He was also warned as to his future conduct.

They have given the green light to other attention-seeking, second rate coaches to leap up and down in the Arsenal technical area spouting obscenities as they do so.

Now I’m not saying that Wenger emerged with much credit from the confrontation, but I fail to see what else he could have done under the circumstances.

If the FA consider that they have dealt with him leniently for pleading guilty, then I cannot wait to see the punishment for the jobless tosser when he appears before them in January, having pleaded not guilty. He had better keep his redundancy money to one side for the moment!

Rant over, for now.

The Portsmouth game on Saturday is shaping up to be a fascinating contest. Not just because the two sides lie third and fourth in the Premiership, but because Sol Campbell could find himself, literally, in the front line.

Pompeys Dads Army strikeforce is exhibiting wear and tear. At the time of writing Kanu (knee), Benjani (hamstring), Cole (achilles), and Lua Lua (thigh) are all on the treatment table.

It would have been fun to see Cole and Kanu back at the Arsenal, but it would be even funnier to see Solman demonstrating his grasp of the strikers art against Kolo Toure. It will be good to see him back though. The manner of his arrival from the neighbours, and his part in two title triumphs and three FA Cup successes, means he deserves a good reception on Saturday.

I do hope he hangs around for the second-half though!

Arsenal Win In North West Shocker

Well the recipe for consuming the pie-munchers proved to be almost indigestible. Full marks to the side for keeping going to the end, but it has to be said that Arsene Wenger's experimental midfield almost backfired.

Those who have screamed almost daily for the introduction of 'the Beast' have their answer. I have no doubt that Julio Baptista will settle and find his role in the Arsenal set-up. That time has yet to arrive though and the big man is not the first foreign import to need time to adjust to the pace of the Premiership and his new team's style.

Kolo Toure returned after suspension, and was outstanding in the heart of the defence. He needed to be as the hosts, despite not having the lions share of the possession, had fifteen shots to Arsenal's ten.

Once again Emmanuel Adebayor came up with an important goal, putting the finishing touch to some smart approach play from late substitute Fabregas on eighty-eight minutes. That makes it five goals for him this season, an important contribution in the absence of the captain.

Arsene Wenger spoke afterwards of 'our spirit and our resilience'. I'm beginning to wonder if they put the same tape on Five Live after every game. Come on, admit it, he rarely strays from his standard post-match script!

So the three points from our game in hand has secured third place again. That position will come under threat from fourth placed Portsmouth, visitors to Ashburton Grove on Saturday. I'll be back tomorrow with a preview, and doubtless lots of gratuitous naval quips!

Wigan Next On The Menu

It’s off to the excellent pie-makers of Wigan on Wednesday for the game in hand that a few short weeks ago was supposed to propel us into the fight for the Premiership title. Now the ambition is perhaps a third place finish but the result is none the less important for that.

Last season we enjoyed a rare Premiership triumph in the north-west, winning 3-2 in the corresponding fixture. Revenge was extracted in the Carling Cup semi-final.

The home side will only be half-baked. Wigan keeper Steak and Kidney Kirkland has been declared fit to play at the JJB Stadium, but Chicken and Mushroom Scharner is ruled out through suspension. Striker Cheese and Onion Heskey returns from a one-match ban but Meat and Potato de Zeeuw, Lamb Tikka Teale, Pork and Apple Todorov and Pastie Taylor are ruled out by injury.

Kolo Toure is back for Arsenal after sitting out the draw at Chelsea at the weekend through suspension, and although Gallas, Rosicky, and Henry are once again missing, our less than full-strength side will be expected to feast on their less than full-strength side.

I’ll be back after the game, hopefully with chef Wenger’s recipe for dealing with the savoury upstarts. Bon appetit!

The Unlikely Lads

As the events of the weekend unfolded Arsenal supporters were given proof, if any were needed, that there is real strength in depth in the Gunners squad. Nobody typified the battling performance at the Bridge more than Matthieu Flamini and Emmanuel Adebayor.

I can sense some raising of the eyebrows when Flamini's name is mentioned. Whilst it's true he's unlikely to nail down a starting berth in anyones first eleven, he is the present day Grimandi. Invaluable because he can fill in as and when required, the archetypal 'squad player'. He is also starting to provide the midfield goals that have been sadly lacking. His strike on Sunday was his third of the season following his last gasp winner against Zagreb, and his opener against Liverpool. He wasn't that bad a left-back last season either.

After mixed fortunes in his opening games last season there was a groundswell of opinion around the Grove that Adebayor might not prove to be of Arsenal quality. However, after a string of solid performances this season the big Togalese striker is starting to win over even his fiercest critics. His four goals this season have included the winner against Manchester United at Old Trafford, and the opener in the derby clash with Tottenham. It's not just about his goals though. As he demonstrated at Chelsea he has gained confidence and a sureness of touch in general play, contributing far more than being just a big target man in the classic sense. Watching him drag Terry around the pitch was one of the most delightful features of an absorbing contest.

So while we look forward to welcoming the injured, suspended, and plain battle-fatigued back we can be thankful for the contribution of those who know their backsides may just be polishing the bench again shortly, or maybe not?

I cannot let the day go by without a little word for Alan Pardew. Bye!

One One To The Arsenal!

I don't mind admitting I spent 78 minutes praying for Robin Van Persie to strike. The odds on the man who could reasonably have been thought to be our likeliest scorer at the Bridge, allied to an Arsenal victory, were too tempting to resist.

Step forward Matthieu 'the maligned' Flamini to put the final nail in the coffin of my hopes to win a grand! What a run I had for my money though, and how pleased was I to see the archetypal squad player put the Kings Road millionaires on the back foot so close to the final whistle? Let's just say everybody around me had a pretty fair idea of just how happy I was at that moment!

It is also particularly irritating that Alan Wiley, who had demonstrated a wonderful grasp of the concept of refereeing such a big contest, should have missed Cole's snidey chop at Hleb in the build-up to Chelsea's equaliser. Don't get me wrong, such incidents are regularly missed, and Essien's strike was magnificent. These things happen, and the result for the neutral was probably about right.

Wiley, and Arsenal, emerged with some credit from the contest. Not so Mourinho. So we only came for the draw did we Jose? Without Toure, Gallas, Rosicky, and Thierry Henry, we dominated the first half. We could have been forgiven for adopting a negative approach but neutrals know we gave everything in a gripping contest.

I'll accept that when the 'special one' finally decided to add some flair and width to his side, with the addition of Robben and SWP towards the end, we were up against it. The dismantling of his boring central midfield quartet also gave us the opportunity to finally break through his safety first formation. One more blast on the whistle for Cole's transgression and we would have been celebrating a remarkable triumph. We know it, and Jose knows it!

So Chelsea now trail United by eight points, and both sides have to come to the Grove. We surely cannot feature in the shake-up at the end of the season, but we could have a major say in who emerges triumphant. It is looking distinctly feasible that, one way or the other, we could be denying Chelsea the title on May 5th. Oh how we shall sympathise with poor Ashley if that is the case!

Political Football

It's difficult to imagine a game that has stirred up more nonsense than the impending clash of Londons big two at the Bridge tomorrow. When Peter Tatchell feels compelled to enlist the assistance of the competing clubs, and of course the Metropolitan Police, in an ill-informed purge on the visiting fans, something is not quite right.

I wonder how Ash and his advisors feel about being 'rescued' by Outrage? I wonder why, when we have so many law and order issues to confront, that Londons finest wil be deployed in force tomorrow to prevent the carrying of offensive counterfeit twenty pound notes! Could I suggest the Met could reduce their massive wage bill by having a 'photocopied note and inflatable mobile' amnesty along the lines of their recent attempts to persuade real thugs to part with knives? How naive can I be?

There is of course one other option that has been considered by nobody, other than probably Jose Mourinho. Can you imagine what has passed through his strange mind in the days leading up to this game. Cole was ineffectual when subjected to relatively minor abuse at White Hart Lane recently. Spurs won, and the self-styled special one will have noted what happened.

He has therefore the option of removing Cole from the fray, and playing Wayne Bridge, who interestingly played in the midweek Champions League clash with Levski Sofia. What a move that could be. It would dampen the atmosphere from the visitors section in one fell swoop. Of course nobody, least of all me, can read Mourinho's mind. He may consider Cole would react positively to his tormentors, but the evidence doesn't support that particular theory.

Personally, I just hope Arsenal give a good account of themselves, hopefully nick a point or three, and Peter Tatchell is charged with incitement!

Thanks Dad, Can I Go To Chelsea Now?

I'm really indebted to my Dad for all manner of things. Foremost in my mind though is the fact that he saw fit to remain in Islington until after I was born. That, and the fact that he was Arsenal through and through, and would only take me to watch the Gunners as a fledgeling Goonerholic.

Goodness knows how much he spent on taking the two of us to the Arsenal, but I do recall entrance fees being the equivalent of forty pence, and programmes costing less than three pence in decimal currency.

He must have trained me well, for as the prices have risen down the years, and I have moved further and further away, there has still only been one club for me. Even after I discovered that alcohol was a necessary addition to the matchday experience, therefore reducing my disposable income even further, I have stayed loyal.

It's reached the stage now where every trip to the Grove is equivalent to ten times my first annual salary! I could take umbrage. People who started work at the same time as me now earn double, treble even, my current income. I accept they are the centre-forwards of the workforce, and I am a humble full-back.

Now here's the rub. I say to you Ashley Cole, don't you dare try and tell me that Arsenal attempted to kick you in the teeth over a poxy five grand a week. Don't even begin to try and explain, when you were mysteriously injured for most of last season, that you were able to come back and express an undying love for the club when a Champions League Final place was up for grabs.

If it has escaped your memory, with Matthieu Flamini at left-back, we created a record for the number of minutes played without conceding a goal in the Champions League. When it mattered in Paris you came in to 'strengthen' us. We lost.

Despite the hours (and pound notes!) that Arsenal had poured into your development you had kept a furtive appointment with your Chelsea suitors only a year earlier. Now you couldn't wait to renew your acquaintance with Kenyon and Mourinho. Despite the years of emotional investment that I and my peers had invested in you, off you scuttled. And for what?

I have often wondered what my Dad would have thought if, after all his careful nurturing, I had switched my support to another London club. I think only now am I beginning to get an idea of what an ungrateful little bastard he would have thought me to be.

One Good Draw Deserves Another

Gripping stuff, wasn't it? Porto and the Gunners stretched each other to the limit in a scintillating 0-0 draw tonight, and don't let me hear you sniggering at the back of the class Henry!

The two Champions League protagonists shared four shots on target, although the hosts managed to whack six high or wide compared to our one. The corners too, at 5-4, showed the nature of the contest.

No nasty tackles or tempers fraid, hence no bookings, and Markus Merk has taken another step closer to the top of the refereeing ladder. 41,500 fans had a bit of a jeer at the end but I doubt anybody will be asking for their money back. Both teams qualified for the knockout phase and will be satisfied with a job well done.

Now comes the hard bit. As group winners we cannot draw Porto again so the seven candidates are...(you'd better sit down before reading on)...Barcelona, Inter, PSV, Roma, Real Madrid, Celtic, or Lille. The two Italian sides cannot draw AC Milan, and the two Spanish giants cannot draw Valencia, both group winners. Statistically the chances of us pulling one of those four out of the hat is pretty damned good.

Should we be worried, especially after getting Real at this stage last season, and in the words of Bob Hoskins, "Madrid, we've shit 'em!". We've got some time now to heal aching bodies and build confidence in the system that Wenger will want to carry into the knock-out phase.

Let's put it out of our minds and concentrate on the little matter of plundering three points from the Tapping Up and Shunters Social Club on Sunday.

An update on the polonium story. Apparently the ground was given the all clear last Friday, but investigations resumed after Saturdays events. A number of visiting supporters left the ground long before the end of the game, complaining of synptoms such as feeling sick, and hair loss! The authorities have put it down to S.A.D. disorder (Spurs Ashburton Defeat).

Beast And Bert Ridicule Portugeezers

There can't be a worse day to have to produce a blog. Everybody has now covered every angle of the thrashing of the neighbours on Saturday. The Henry and Wenger spat has been done to death.

So I thought I'd research Portuguese jokes in order to bring you all a bit of a laugh ahead of the vital Champions League clash in Porto. A word of advice to those who, like me, are unfamiliar with the subject. Don't! Sadly the Brazilians tell the same jokes about the Portuguese that Americans tell about Poles. In other words, dire.

I persuaded myself to watch Chelsea's game against Levski Sofia in the hope I could bring you a highly polished and insightful breakdown of our opponents on Sunday. They started with at least four players who are unlikely to feature against us which rendered that idea a bit of a time-waster.

Having said that I saw precious little to lose any sleep over, bar the obvious one. If I were responsible for drug-testing in British football I would have a whole squad of scientists on Drogba's case right now. This extremely ugly duckling has transformed, seemingly overnight, into a very dangerous swan indeed. Purposeful, and sure of touch, he bears no relation to the clumsy oaf we had become used to.

Other than him the most significant contribution to the Chavs 2-0 triumph was by little Shauny. The son of God appeared midway through the second-half and woke up a turgid affair with a wonderful strike for the second goal. Shame he won't see the light of day at the Bridge this weekend, or possibly ever again!

So that just leaves the confirmation that traces of Polonium have indeed been discovered at Ashburton Grove. Now I've never been a lover of continental sausage at the best of times but I know a man or two, who have been in the vicinity lately, who look as though they may well have been serial users of the substance. I look forward to reading in the morning papers that Martin Jol and Paul Robinson are helping the authorities with their enquiries.

Henry And Wenger - A Grimm Tale

I guess it's time to reveal what really happened at the Training Centre on Friday, and Ashburton Grove on Saturday. My regular readers need to know the truth of the incidents that have led to so many column inches over the last couple of days.

Let me take you back to an amazing chain of events little more than forty-eight hours ago. As I was making my way down Holloway Road the Tottenham coach pulled up alongside me and asked for directions to the new stadium 'as we haven't been there before!' I agreed to show them and was welcomed onboard.

One left-hand turn and two hundred yards later we were in the underground car park at the Grove. As I disembarked the coach I was bumped into by the great man himself. 'Hello Titi, not playing today then?' I ventured, having heard the news on the way up.

'Don't you talk to me about not playing today' he snapped. 'I had enough with that Wenger yesterday. Doesn't he know I run this club? Just who does he think he is?' I was stunned, and immediately apologised. 'Don't worry' he assured me, 'it's not your fault. I will reveal the truth later.' And with that, he was gone.

As I made my way toward my seat I bumped into monsieur Wenger himself. What a stroke of luck. 'Good morning Arsene, shame about Thierry?' was, I thought, a good opening gambit.

'Oh piss off' was his retort, 'that bloody Henry yesterday and now I get you trying to distract me. Let me get this game over with and I will reveal the truth about the bastard who thinks he can run my club!' Charming, I thought.

Before I go any further, can I just say to any tabloid editor, or talk-bollocks-about sport radio producer, that I am available for hire at very reasonable rates. I could probably live comfortably on half the money you pay the lame-brains who invent the crap that infests your output.

Allow me to complete the quotes for this particular piece. 'I was worked up because I couldn't help my team on the pitch, that's hard for me to accept. But I didn't argue with Arsene Wenger.'
Thank you for that Thierry.

And you Arsene? 'Of course I am aware of stories circulating in the media about our meeting last Friday. I just feel that it’s important to reiterate that there is no problem between myself and Thierry, in fact, we have always had a strong relationship and that remains the case.'

Blast! That story could have made my fortune.

I've Had Worse Days I Suppose!

After the horrors of Bolton and Fulham, yesterdays trouncing of the little mob up the road has given us a few days to bask in the sunshine of satisfaction.

I have to confess to fearing the worst as the news came through about Thierry allegedly 'storming out' as we made our way to the station. A few nerve-soothing ales on the train and I was quite bullish again.

Hitting the Grove at 11 o'clock I met up with the guys who run Arsenal-Land and Vital Arsenal. A few more nerve-soothing ales were imbibed (thank you O2 for your excellent free beer promotion!).

Now I don't know who instilled a healthy dose of common-sense into the stewards, but thankfully they were a little less concerned about the standing than usual, and the atmosphere was just breathtaking. Well done Gooners, you were magnificent throughout.

Early doors we looked to have a nailed-on shout for a penalty when Dawson climbed all over Freddie, who turned the clock back a couple of years with a magnificent display. Then Malbranque managed a mis-hit shot. (Can't remember them having too many more!)

Adebayor had us on our feet with the opener, cooly taken, but looking suspiciously offside. Thank goodness Match of the Day cameras spotted he wasn't. It must have been a big relief for the much maligned replacement for Titi. He was immense yesterday.

Rosicky then found himself and the ball removed from the action by Chimbonda. I've seen them given, and seen them not given. Call it karma. Gilberto finished with aplomb.

Considering the significance of the occasion we spent the half-time mulling over just how strongly Spurs would come out after the break. The pint helped! We needn't have worried. Apart from a few sly digs they showed little stomach for the fight.

Robin Van Persie's sleight of hand was missed by Graham Poll and when Jenas took him out we had a fortunate second penalty to enjoy. Gilberto sent England's roly-poly number one the wrong way. Cue 'Jump up if you're 3-0 up!'

The beauty of the travel congestion means we can enjoy a few refreshing after match pints in the Pins. The taste buds adjusted smoothly to the beautiful Guinness as we dissected the finer points of the contest.

To round off a perfect day I made it home in time to catch Match of the Day and inform Mrs Goonerholic that this was indeed a beautiful day! Sadly I slipped into a coma before the start of the cricket, but all things considered I have awoken strangely refreshed today. What a difference a day makes.